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Coping strategies for anger
Anger is a perfectly normal human emotion that can range from mild irritation to an intense rage or fury.
Trigger and warning signs – one of the first steps in managing your anger is to identify the types of situations that usually trigger the feeling. Make a list of all the things that affect you, for example:
- being cut off in traffic
- running late for appointments
- other people running late
- your child leaving their schoolbag in the hall
- your partner not putting away the dishes
- a colleague falling behind on a project
Some of these you could avoid by simply planning ahead, others will be outside of your control.
Now make a separate list of the warning signs for your anger. What is it that usually happens in your body when you get angry? Becoming aware of your body’s alarm bells will help you to spot the anger early on, which gives you a better chance of putting other coping strategies into place. Some common warnings are:
- tightness in the chest
- feeling hot or flushed and/or sweating
- grinding teeth
- tense muscles or clenched fists
- pounding or racing heart
- biting your nails
The reason for your anger – when you notice these warning signs, stop and ask yourself what is it that’s really making you angry? Often, there will be something going on that is quite reasonable for you to feel angry about, so allow yourself to acknowledge this. It is also important, however, to be clear about the cause of the anger so that we don’t respond disproportionately, e.g. staying angry all day after someone has used up the last of the milk, or to take the anger out on the wrong person, e.g. shouting at your partner when it’s your boss you’re angry with.
Whatever it is that’s going on for you, remember that once anger is accepted as a natural part of being human, it is then that we can learn to give ourselves permission to channel this emotion in a much more healthy and constructive way. We don’t have to become the Incredible Hulk when we’re angry, just displaying our anger healthily is enough – it keeps us well-balanced and reminds us that we’re only human, after all.